Rock y Horrors!
by WaltD
Summary: A St. Paddy's Story for Nick. -Mar-


_Forever Knight – the Continuing Story. _

_The characters in _Forever Knight_ were created by James Parriott and Barney Cohen and are the property of Sony/Columbia/Tri-Star. The stories here are fan fiction, in which Nick and Natalie survive "_Last Knight_", the series finale. Also, Vachon survived Divia in "_Ashes to Ashes_". This story may be archived wherever by whomever. _

_Wade Everett is a good-looking, capable, smart-ass, and gay homicide detective who's sometimes full of himself. He's temporarily assigned to the 96th and Nick while Nick's partner, Tracy (who also survived _LK_) recuperates. He's found out what Nick is.  
_**  
*Rock-y Horrors***

Calendar Series – MARCH by Walt Doherty

_We gotta do the Time Warp again.  
-- Rocky Horror Picture Show  
_  
"Hey, Nick, what's a four letter word for a city in Czechoslovakia?" Constable Baker asked across the room.

"What?" replied Nick in confusion, "uh, Brno. Yeah, Brno. Good grief, Baker, why?"

"Crosswords, Nicky Boy,"

Oh, don't call me 'Nicky boy', you know I hate it! Nick winced.

"These are getting pretty tricky. 'Brno' doesn't work."

"Try 'Zlin'."

"'Zlin?'"

"Yes, city, four letters, Czech Republic.'

.  
"Knight! Everett! In here," came Reese's commanding voice. "Sit," he gestured towards the chairs in his office.

Nick interrupted, "When did Baker get back? I thought his vacation lasted another week. It's been so nice and quiet here without him."

"A week too soon," Reese growled, "but never mind that – close the door -- it's another 'St Patrick's Day' murder."

"Another?" Nick said.

"What's that," asked Wade.

Reese said, "Nick can give you the details, but for the past couple of years, there's been a murder or two on or around St. Patrick's Day. Some of them pretty gruesome."

"I remember," said Nick, "a few years ago, one of the bodies was painted green from head to foot. Hid a lot of damage."

Reese added, "No obvious connections between the victims – they seem to be random. Anyway, here's another weird one, so it's probably the St. Patty's killer. It's over by the Festival Theater where they show those weird movies and stuff," and he gave his two detectives the address and sent them on their way.

.  
"Natalie," Nick said.

"Hi, Nick. Wade. Nothing much here, really. I'll have more later after I can examine the body more thoroughly at the morgue. This is a little different from the others. The kill was quick and straight forward: stabbed in the back with a large knife. Straight through the heart. Died instantly. We've got the knife. No prints, of course."

"What makes it the 'St Patty' Killer?" asked Wade.

"Oh, the shamrock print," Natalie replied, "Each victim has had a small shamrock stamped on it somewhere on the body. It's like the killer's signature. By the way, keep that quiet, nobody outside the office knows. It's one of the hold-backs."

"No sweat!" the young detective said.

"What's strange about this one, Nat, if the murder method was so straight forward?" Nick asked.

"Oh, here, and she tossed a large rock over to Nick who caught it but then nearly lost his balance and fell over backwards. He had been expecting a mass of at least 15 kilos – he was surprised that Natalie could have so easily tossed it to him – and now he knew why: it was foam. It looked like rock, but it was like the stage materials, all looks and no substance. He gave Natalie a questioning look.

"The body was buried under a ton – well, not a 'ton' – of these. Some kids over there spotted it only from the blood that oozed out from under the pile."

"Any hope of prints from the stones?"

"Probably not, the surface isn't right for that, but the crime scene unit will give them a going over."

"Well, thanks, Nat."

.  
"Hey, Nick!" said Baker, "It was 'Oslo'!"

"What was 'Oslo', Baker?"

"The city in Czechoslovakia."

"Baker, Oslo isn't in Czechoslovakia."

"Sure it is, Nicky boy," he gloated and then proceeded to spell out "c-z-e c-h-O-S-L-O- v-a-k-i-a."

"You have GOT to be kidding me."

"Nah, you know these New York Times crosswords."

Deliver me! thought Nick.

.  
"So, Nicky—"

"Please, I've asked you not to call me that."

"Oh, sure, Nicolo! So, what's the skinny on the Paddy's Day murder?"

"You've heard about it already?"

"Hey, the grapevine in this Division's second to none. I hear a little green man did it."

"A Martian? You're kidding."

"No, silly. If it's St Patrick's Day, it'd have to be a –"

"Wait! Don't say it!"

"— a Leprechaun."

"You said it."

'Nicolo' glared at Baker, turned, and left.

Baker just raised his eyebrows and shrugged his shoulders. He said to Detective Everett, "What's his problem?"

Wade replied, "He's just green with envy over your verbal prowess, Baker."

.  
"Nick, you've got to stop letting Baker get to you."

"Easy for you to say."

"No, it's not. The mouthy, little – well, let's just see what we can find out about our victim."

"Anything from Natalie?" Wade asked.

"Yeah, they go an I.D." he said looking at some notes she had left on his desk. "Name's Israel Maartin Greene."

"Oh, no," said Wade.

"What?

"You haven't gotten it yet? The name is 'I M Greene? 'I am green'?"

"Oh, god," said Nick, "what is this guy's problem?"

"Off hand, Nick, I'd say it's that he's dead."

Nick rolled his eyes. "No, the perp!"

Wade quietly asked Nick, "Has he always been this punny'?

Nick growled at Wade, "No, but the murders have always had some sort of puzzle component."

Nick looked over at Wade, "The theatre was showing 'Rocky Horror Picture Show', could there be a connection there?"

.  
"Hey," Baker tossed in, "Rocky – guy was covered in rocks, uh, stones, that's a connection. Maybe it was a cast member."

Ugh, Nick thought! "That's awfully tenuous, and it doesn't lead anywhere anyway," Nick said.

"Well, when you find the answer, I'll bet it's a Corker," said Baker.

"Corker?" Wade asked.

"As in 'County'?" said Baker while grinning.

"You know, Baker, people have been killed for less," Wade hissed out. "What's with all the St. Paddy's references, anyway?"

"Oh, just something for you to puzzle out." Baker left.

Wade said to Nick, "Well that was cryptic. Creep."

"Yeah, he just gets on my nerves."

"Stand in lime!"

"Ouch!. 'Lime'?, not you, too?"

"Well, they are green."

"Another pun like that and I'll drain you," Nick whispered.

.  
Natalie came into the squad room, "We've found out more about the victim. Apparently he _was_ a cast member of the Rocky Horror production."

"I thought that was a movie?" Nick said.

"It is, but it's a stage show, too. And even the movie is a stage production, most of the audience acts out the picture while it's playing."

.  
"Maybe it was a critic who killed the man," said Baker.

"What makes you say that? Wait, wait a minute, I don't want to know," said Nick.

Wade mumbled, "Too late."

"With all the fake rocks that were found around the guy, it's obvious that the killer was somebody who wanted to stone the cast first."

"Yeah, but he died of a knife wound," Nick said, letting the comment fly right over him.

"Geez, you're no fun, skip the jokes and cut to the heart of the matter," Baker said pointedly as he turned and marched out.

Wade whispered to Nick, "Don't drain me, drain him – _and let me know how I can help_!"

.  
Wade asked Nick, "Nick, how did Baker know the rocks were fake? Nobody's mentioned that, and I don't think the grapevine got hold of it."

"Hmm, good question," Nick continued, thinking aloud. "Earlier he said it was 'something to puzzle out'. Supposing it really was a puzzle."

Wade looked over at Nick, and finally Nick shouted, "Ha! Got it; c'mon, we're going over to Records. We've got a lot of digging to do."

Later in Reese's office:

"See? Every year, he takes his vacation around St. Patrick's Day."

"That doesn't make him a killer," Reese said.

"No," continued Nick, "but add all the stupid St. Patrick's Day or 'green' or 'Irish' jokes, and that he knew about the fake rocks, it means he knows something."

"Well, let's get him in an interrogation room."

"Won't he want a Union Rep?"

"Doesn't matter. This isn't a Union matter."

"O.k. We can at least ask him how he knew."

"Wait a minute, I've got an idea. Wade, get a couple of those 'rocks' found with the body.

"Really, Cap. We should've got this much earlier. The answer was only a stone's throw away."

Both Reese and Wade gave Nick an odd look at that comment.

.  
Wade brought the rocks, and Nick placed them on the table in the interrogation room.

They marched Baker in and sat him on the chair on the far side of the table.

Nick came in and set a jar of coffee lightener on the table. Then a jar of 'Tang', a can of some sort of gourmet treat called "mountain oysters", a package of "turkey ham", and some lo-cal sweeteners.

Baker took one look at the items and burst out laughing. "Ha! Finally! Someone gets it. O.k., I confess, I did it. Now, I'm gonna shut up till I get a lawyer." He folded his arms across his chest, and shut his mouth firmly.

Nick said, "Good, no Blarney."

Baker dropped his chin while staring up at him and said, "Right."

.  
"O.k., let's not keep it a secret. How did you figure it out? and why the products?" both Reese and Everett asked.

"They were prompts: coffee creamer: fake cream; Tang: fake orange juice, mountain oysters: fake oysters, and so on."

"Yeah?"

"Remember all his Irish jokes and puns? He was baiting us, and then he added that we had to 'puzzle it out'? Well, that's just what I did: those Styrofoam stones? You know what they are, don't you? And why they're appropriate for St. Patrick's Day?

"C'mon, I know you got it in you: fake cream? fake sugar? fake . . . ? Right, they're '—you're not going to like this, but – they're 'fake rocks', get it?, that is to say: they're 'Sham' . . . 'Rocks' -- 'shamrocks'!"

Everyone in the room groaned – except Baker. He kind of chortled. Nick thought perhaps that he might get off with an insanity plea.

.  
_I'm looking over a four-leaf clover  
that I overlooked before  
-- Dixon, Woods_


End file.
